Puppet/Steff | 23 | Female | Aussie
Artist | Graduate | Games DesignAywas ID #6177
Life Ruined By:
Persona 5, Tokyo Ghoul, The Flash, Cow Chop, Monster Hunter, One Piece, Attack on Titan, Jurassic Park.

so I wrote a fic. I haven’t written anything in a long time and I don’t think I’ve ever actually posted my writing so don’t expect too much. Unbeta’d.

Follows headcanons of gastricpierrot​‘s fic And In The Darkness, I Found You with permission, of course, but you don’t need any prior reading to enjoy this and this has no influence over Pierrot’s work. (But you should read their fic anyway because it’s 10/10 do recommend)

Listen to this while reading.

Warnings: Rated M. M/M, canon typical violence, cannibalism, canon divergence/AU.

Summary: Haise isn’t sure what it is about Hide that makes him feel so at home but he does know that the song Hide sings to him is oddly familiar he just doesn’t understand why.

Safe and Sound


Hide jolts awake to the sound of ceramic hitting the kitchen counter outside his door. Calming his breath, the blonde blinks his eyes wearily, running a hand through his disheveled, bleached spikes as hit sits up, blanket pooling at his waist. The chill creeps across his skin almost instantly, goose bumps crawling up his arms before he looks over at the clock blinking on his bedside table.

‘2:15AM’ the number blinks back at him in the dark. Raising an eyebrow, he slides out of the warm cocoon of his blankets to investigate who is up at this hour. Probably Saiko, whose lost track of time playing one of her video games on more than one occasion.
Slipping out of the room, Hide silently pads towards the kitchen, yawning widely in the low light. The sight of Haise making a cup of coffee isn’t unusual, but the bright red blood painted down the left side of his face, is.
Breath hitching, Hide approaches the other man carefully, warm brown eyes taking the other in, his shaking hands, bloodied fingernails, grey eyes that are usually so full of life are blank and unseeing.
Haise is counting down from 1000 in sevens, his voice a quiet whisper in the otherwise silent night.

“Haise?” Hide reaches out, placing a warm hand on the half-ghoul’s shoulder, the cotton of his bed shirt already soaked in blood. Haise flinches as his eyes dart to Hide, no longer unfocused and clouded but wide and sharp and full of pain.

One trembling hand rests around the mug of coffee while the other reaches up to scratch and claw at his already healed left ear, bringing more blood to the surface, the dark liquid clinging to his fingers and jaw.
“Hide,” it’s nothing more than a broken whisper and the voice causes jabs of pain in his heart, mind racing as he remembers the very few times he’s heard his name said in that tone.
(The first time he hears it is when they’re in elementary school and some kids had thrown one of Kaneki’s books into a fountain, the most recent relates to the scar on his bicep which aches in remembrance).

“I can hear it- in my ear- and I can’t-“ Haise continues breathlessly, panicked tears pooling in the corner of his eyes and Hide’s heart stops dead in realisation of what exactly has the white-and-black haired man so stirred up.

“Do you know what kind of sound you hear when you put a live centipede in your ear?”

Holding back his own grief Hide uses his free hand to uncurl the investigator’s white-knuckled grip of the coffee mug (are those cracks he can see?), gently gripping the trembling the fingers as the other hand remains on a shaking shoulder.
With a tug the blond leads Haise away from the kitchen, towards his own bedroom (He’s too tired to climb the stairs and he’s not sure Haise is too keen on the idea, anyway). The other puts up no fight, as docile as a lamb despite the flashes of painful memories causing stabs of pain behind his eyes.
Releasing his grip, Hide pushes the other down gently to sit on the edge of the recently abandoned bed. Warm brown meets panicked grey as Hide bends to be eye-level, his hand running absentmindedly through the black and white locks.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Hide assures, quickly leaving the room to retrieve a wet cloth. He returns only moments later but Haise has pulled his knees to his chest, arms wrapped around them and face hidden. The blonde coaxes the pale face up with quiet words of reassurance, gently using the cloth to wipe the drying blood off Haise’s ear, face and neck as best as he can, the ragged wounds have unsurprisingly healed to leave nothing but smooth skin in their wake. Haise is still mumbling (997, 990, 983, 976) but not trembling quite as violently as before, calmed by Hide’s familiar presence and scent (like sunshine and warmth and home), the screams of his memories and ‘other self’ quietened to nothing but fleeting wisps of sound.

Hide straightens up, moving across the room to retrieve the well-loved orange headphones and iPod, placing the bright device over the ears of a momentarily surprised Haise, worn leather resting amongst the more-white-than-black tresses, the body beneath them relaxing noticeably.
Looking down at the bright iPod screen, Hide’s thumb hovers over the play button of the touch device, the words For Kaneki staring back up at him. Starting the playlist, Hide maneuvers Haise under the covers, sliding in beside him and pulling the covers up to their chins.
Almost immediately, Haise sinks into the warmth around him, surrounded by Hide, Hide, Hide pushing back the demons in his mind, the foreign (but oddly familiar) English words drowning out the scratching and itching and scrabbling of the invisible insect.

Strong arms warp around him as he sighs, subconsciously tucking his head under the blonde’s chin, cold nose pressed against a warm collarbone to breathe the other in, feeling safer than he’s felt in months, the chest underneath him rumbling as Hide sings quietly to the music spilling out of the headphones.

I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I’d never let you go,
and all those shadows almost killed your light.


Urie swears under his breath as he avoids another strike from a kagune, lashing out with his own, catching a Ghoul and slicing open his side to allow a spray of blood to stain the cement. His Quinque is lost amongst the rubble and bodies, knocked out of his hands only moments into the confrontation. Almost immediately another takes its place, the Aogiri members surrounding and attacking him mercilessly.
He can distantly make out the sounds of his Squad members shouting through the communicator, cursing him and demanding answers to their numerous questions. Oddly enough, the only voice he hasn’t heard within the last few minutes is Sasaki’s.

Urie’s taken too many hits, he knows. He can feel the burn of wounds that are now taking much longer to heal, blood staining his clothes. Another strike from a ghoul opens a nasty gash on his forehead, the splash of warmth against his eye temporarily blinding him, but even that one moment is more than enough.
He sees the sharpened kagune rushing towards him at incredible speed, aiming to pierce through his midsection and scramble his organs.

‘Fuck’ He’s not sure he can heal from that as he is. He’s already tried eating himself, after all, and he’s quickly running out of options. A flash of black and white fills his vision before blood splatters across his front.
The kagune pierced someone, but it wasn’t its intended target. Sasaki stands before him, gripping the Koukaku that’s run him through, red pouring from his lips. The opposing Ghoul snarls as he attempts to yank his kagune out of the investigator, only to find himself torn apart by Haise’s own sharpened Rinkaku.
Urie spits on the floor beside him, wiping at his chain with a sneer on his face, getting to his feet shakily as exhaustion tightens its grip.

“What the hell, Sasaki?!” The Quinx snaps, ignoring the Ghoul that gets sent flying right past him by a familiar dark red tentacle. “I had it under control.” The Mentor spares his subordinate a glance over his shoulder, a single blaring kakugan eyeing down the teenager, mouth pressed into a tight line as he effortlessly fends off the remaining Aogiri members.

Urie freezes under cold gaze, barely recognising anything of the Half-Ghoul investigator in those mismatched eyes, surprise growing as he realises that the gaping wound in the other’s torso is healing far slower than it should, scarlet liquid forming a puddle under his superior’s scuffed shoes.

Suddenly, Rank 1 Sasaki’s head snaps up, kagune barely raising in front of him in time to prevent himself getting impaled by a Bikaku type. The Ghoul to which it belongs laughs in a feminine, high pitched voice, muffled by the leopard-like mask, sounding more than a little crazed. The investigator recognises her immediately, a SS-Rank Ghoul who calls herself ‘Spots’, originating from the 13th Ward. He’s hardly surprised to see she’d been recruited by Aogiri, but her presence in his and Urie’s current condition is more than concerning. The Quinx doesn’t have the experience to take on an SS Ghoul even when he’s at full strength, let alone weakened as he is, while Haise can already feel the hunger tugging painfully at his gut, the burn of injuries that aren’t healing.
They won’t take her down without backup, which leaves only one option.

“Retreat, Rank 2 Urie.” Sasaki’s voice is cold and detached, leaving no room for argument. As Urie open his mouth to reply, he’s sharply cut off with a “That’s an order!” Straightening out with a scoff, he jumps past Sasaki, on the attack.

“Damnit, Urie!” Haise snarls, leaping in after him, feeling his control slipping (Say my name, Haise. Give it back. You can’t beat her like this, you know. Give it back, give my body back, give it back, give it-). Urie is swatted out of the air like a fly, smashing into one of the cement walls, slumping boneless to the floor, unconscious.

‘Spot’ laughs at the pathetic attempt, eyes bright with mirth beneath the mask as she turns to face the other investigator, tail-like kagune swinging behind her. Gritting his teeth, Haise cracks the knuckle of his index finger and “Haise” phases out of consciousness.

—

Hide sprints down the hall, Saiko, Shirazu and Mutsuki trailing after him, quinques in hand, clothes torn and dirtied. The Rank 1 suspects that maybe he’s pushing the Squad a bit too hard right now, especially since they were already so tired after taking out their fair share of Aogiri members, but he needs to find Haise.

Urie ignoring their comments via the communicator is nothing new, but Haise always makes sure to let his team know what’s going on and in return expects updates on their own conditions should they be separated like they are now. Anxiety forms a painful pit in the blonde’s stomach and something just feels horribly, horribly wrong.

The overwhelming smell of copper and iron wafting through an open doorway is what hits the blonde first. Pressing his back against the wall, Hide motions for the Quinx to follow suit, peering around the corner with his own quinque prepared for an attack. What he sees instead stops him dead in his tracks, heart leaping into his throat as his brown eyes wide to take it all in.

Inside the room can only be described as a massacre. Parts of ghouls are scattered across the floor and debris, the ground under his feet seemingly more red than grey-white stone, Aogiri cloaks ripped apart, much like those wearing them. The remains of a ghoul Hide vaguely recognises as a SS rank lay nearby, her mask cracked.

Urie is slumped against a wall to the side, unconscious and looking a little worse for wear but still clearly breathing. What worries Hide most, though, is the figure of his best friend kneeling amongst the carnage, dark red Kagune swinging dangerously around him, mismatched eyes glazed over and an alarming number of open wounds spilling more blood on to the floor.

“Papa,” Saiko whimpers out behind him, the first to break the heavy silence permeating the air. Part of Hide wants to be pleased that he’s once again been called ‘Papa’, he only wishes it wasn’t in such a strained situation. Shirazu and Mutsuki are peering out over their superior’s shoulder, faces paling at sight and smell of the wreckage.

“Shirazu, Mutsuki, I need you to go fetch Urie when I say, alright?” The blonde investigator asks quietly, unwilling to tear his eyes away from the broken body kneeling in the middle of the room. Haise (or is that Kaneki? He can’t tell) has yet to make any acknowledgement of their presence here and Hide doesn’t know if this makes him more worried or grateful.

The sound of somebody approaching seems to snap the half-ghoul out of his trance, his gaze sweeping to meet Hide’s, scarlet dripping down his chin in rivulets. Pain and barely controlled insanity meet Hide’s near frantic gaze.

“Don’t-“Choking on his own blood, Haise head dips down, and chin pressed against his chest. Holding his hand out in a pause motion, his eyes beg Hide to understand.

Don’t come any closer.

(Please, please, give it back, it’s my body, let me SEE him, give it BACK BACK BACK).

“Haise,” Hide begins, voice low but it still seems to echo in his ears. “I’m going to come closer, okay?” His shoulders are hunched as if he’s approaching a frightened animal, one hand reaching out while the other holds the quinque tightly against his thigh.

Haise doesn’t say anything more, lost in an internal battle, his Rinkaku still flared about him like a beautiful but deadly flower, though they’ve stopped their thrashing.

“Now!” Hide hisses in the direction of his two subordinates. Shirazu and Mutsuki nod shakily, clambering over to their teammate to pull him out of the rubble. Carefully they manage to move the unconscious investigator to the open doorway, Shirazu’s teeth worrying on his bottom lip as Mutsuki watches on with concealed fear.

Hide’s eyes haven’t left the half-ghoul’s form since he entered the room, though it’s clear Haise is unfocused (probably due to the blood loss, judging by the lovely lake forming below him and oh shit Hide should really do something about that before the other man bleeds out right in front of them).

The blond continues ahead, failing to flinch as a tentacle lashes out and smashes the ground beside his feet in warning. There’s an intake of breath of behind him but he barely notices. The only thing that matters right now is Haise.

Kneeling in front of his fellow investigator, Hide places the quinque by his side, both hands reaching out to rest gently against Haise’s stained neck. Up close he can see the horrendous damage the other has taken, the wounds don’t even look as if they’re healing at all.

Being this close is dangerous. He knows firsthand the consequences of Kaneki’s hunger, but the dull, glazed eyes he sees now are nothing like what he remembers back in those god-forsaken sewers. Hide’s heart drops further, chest tightening.

“Take the squad and retreat, Rank 3 Shirazu.” Hide all but snaps, hearing a faint affirmative in response. The scuffle of footsteps fades away from the open doorway and Hide bites his lip, his heartbeat hammering in his ears.

“Haise, you need to eat something,” the blond begins, noting that the other’s kagune have now retreated. The man in question shakes his head weakly but does nothing more, as if the action of merely shaking his head took too much out of him.

Knowing nothing will get done if he leaves the decision to Haise, Hide removes one of his hands from the other’s blood stained neck, bringing the forearm to his mouth and tearing off a chunk with a wince, the skin knitting back together swiftly.

Haise’s nose wrinkles at the smell of fresh human blood.

“No, not again, not Hide, no, no…” he groans, shuffling backwards out of the taller investigator’s grasp. Spitting the flesh into his hand, Hide’s eyes watch the half-ghoul sadly before reaching forward, forcing the chunk of meat into Haise’s mouth before pulling his hand back, not keen on losing any fingers accidentally.

Swallowing the flesh on reflex, the investigator bites back a sob, curling in on himself and pressing his forehead to the bloodstained cement as his wounds slowly begin to heal, mumbling apologies under his breath. He didn’t want this, not to have to eat off Hide (not again not again not again oh god he was so fucked up) but the other hadn’t given him a choice. Had his mind been all there he would have violently refused but as it was he was dizzy from blood loss and pain, his eyelids fighting to stay open even with the recent feeding. Haise was just so tired (of lying and breathing and remembering) he hadn’t noticed Hide moving closer again until he was being gently pushed up, lifted and cradled to a warm chest, head lolling to rest against a shoulder and neck that smelled like sweat, coffee and sunflowers.

Resting his cheek upon the black and white hair, Hide holds his charge more securely against him, careful not to upset any of the healing wounds. Haise blinks slowly, his overworked mind taking a little longer to process how he made it from the ground to the air.

“Go to sleep,” a warm voice says right by his temple and at that moment there is nothing the half-ghoul trusts more than that familiar voice and smell holding him so carefully and protectively as if he’s the most precious thing in the world so he closes his eyes and breathes a sigh of relief, pushing the air from his damaged lungs.

Beneath his head he hears a faint rumble of a hum and the quiet murmurs of a whispered song.

Don’t you dare look out your window, darling everything’s on fire.
The war outside our door keeps raging on.
Hold on to this lullaby
even when the music’s gone.

It’s dark and cold when Haise is awoken from his slumber, the end of a nightmare replaying itself in his mind as he wipes sleep from his eyes. Sitting up carefully, the investigator peers over a sleeping Hide’s shoulder, fighting back at a groan when he sees the blinking red numbers.
3:00 AM. Hide snuffles beside him, nose twitching in response to whatever dream he’s having. Haise smiles fondly, brushing his fingers through the mussed golden locks before he actually thinks about it. Once his brain catches up with him he jerks his hand back, careful not to wake the man sleeping beside him as he slips out of the warm sheets, hissing when his bare feet come into contact with the freezing wooden floorboards.

He straightens the covers over the human before he makes his way to the door, pulling a jacket off the hook in the dark and slipping it on. Absently he notes that it’s probably Hide’s hoodie he’s put on, judging by the length of the sleeves and the cuffs around his knuckles. Not to mention the familiar aroma of coffee and sunflowers that seems to be burned into the fabric (which is fine, because Hide’s hoodie is warmer than his jacket anyway).

The door clicks quietly behind him and Haise pads down the stairs, careful not to misstep and end up face first at the bottom of the stairwell (and probably wake up everyone else with the crashes). Yawning as he zips the jacket up all the way to his neck, he works his way around the kitchen in the dark, eyes having already adjusted to the dim lighting. The CCG may be paying for their living expenses but that doesn’t mean he should waste electricity where he doesn’t need to. A few heaters wouldn’t go unwanted though, now that he thinks about it. He’ll mention to Akira next time he sees her.

Haise hums to himself as he makes his usual cup of coffee, lost in his own thoughts until he hears a quiet chuckle on the other side of the kitchen bench. Snapping his head up, he’s greeted with the sight of a sleepy Hide, rubbing at his eyes and his investigation jacket wrapped tightly around him.

“You have my hoodie and I didn’t think yours would fit,” Hide answers before Haise even has to ask.

“Sorry,” Haise blurts, cheeks reddening, “I couldn’t see-“Hide cuts him off with a laugh, reaching over the counter to pet the black and white hair affectionately, a light blush painted across his own cheeks.

“Don’t worry about it, man! You look good in my clothes.” The second part is said with a wiggle of dark eyebrows and Haise’s face wastes no time flushing a bright red.

“Hide!” Haise says with exasperation, trying to hide his reddened face in the overly large sleeves, much to the other’s amusement, who simply walks around to stand beside him at the counter chuckling.

“So, what were you humming?” The taller man asks him, their heads bowed together to keep the conversation quiet (or is it just an excuse to be closer? Haise sure as hell doesn’t know anymore, but the other ‘him’ seems content with the contact). The shorter’s hands curl around the warm cup of coffee, grey eyes bright as they meet warm brown.

“It’s the- the song you sing to me. When I can’t sleep, the English one… Even when we were younger,” Fiddling with the ceramic, he glances away to take a sip of the hot beverage, aware that Hide’s face is probably contorted into an expression of confusion.
Silence falls over the pair at the revelation and Haise bites down his lip in worry, opening his mouth to break the silence and brush it off when he glances at Hide and sees the blinding, affectionate smile directed wholly at him. Hide’s eyes always seem so much brighter when he smiles, but this is different and it’s making the half-ghoul’s face go red all over again, heart slamming erratically in his chest.

“W-what?” he asks, trying to prompt the blond into saying something instead of just staring at him like that because he’s not entirely sure how much more his heart can take before it explodes behind his ribs (or before the butterflies in his guts turn into a hornet nest and he does something he might regret but probably won’t).

Hide just smiles wider (was that even possible?), unwrapping the investigator’s fingers from his coffee cup to lace their fingers together on one hand while the other directs the smaller hand to rest on his shoulder before moving his own hand to Haise’s waist, nose to nose with his black-and-white haired best friend.
Slowly the taller of the two begins to lead them in a slow sway, humming the starting tune of the familiar English song before singing the first verse quietly, the light dancing behind his eyes, breath ghosting across the other’s lips.
Offering a shy smile of his own, Haise’s own eyes are shining as he murmurs the chorus to Hide, despite not knowing much English, swaying to their calm rhythm, coffee forgotten and cooling on the counter as the pair continue their slow dance around the kitchen.
By the time Hide reaches the second verse of their soothing cover, their foreheads are pressed together, eyes closed and lashes brushing against pink cheeks, words reserved only for one another.

Caught up in each other both males fail to notice Saiko as she blinks down at them from the stairwell. She had wanted to get a drink despite the fact she should have been long asleep by now (the world wasn’t going to save itself, she reasoned) but she hadn’t expected seeing anyone else up at this time.
Especially not two someones slow dancing in the kitchen, humming to a tune she couldn’t recognise. Smiling fondly she retreats silently back to her room after a long moment, leaving her Maman and Papa to themselves, assuring herself that she’ll take photos next time.

Neither are too sure how long they’ve remained like that, content to simply sway around the room to their own music, wrapped safely in each other’s arms and warmth but it’s been long enough for the sun to begin rising, golden light spilling through the windows. The pair open their eyes at the sensation of light warming their skin, brown and grey locked in place, soft, precious smiles present on both of their faces.

It’s when the light catches Haise’s eyes that Hide swoops down and kisses him full on the lips, eyes slipping closed once more, lips upturned as he feels Haise’s hands cup his face carefully, and kissing back just as firmly.

One kiss turns into many, each careful and loving as the one before it, leaving them breathless and dizzy and Haise feels so in love when they both pull back and Hide is looking at him like Haise is his entire world which he can relate to because Hide is his and has been for so, so long. Long before the Quinx and the CGG, before the raid and Anteiku and Rize and the half-ghoul has no words to describe the feeling that wells up in his chest, that overflows his heart and drowns him in something he hasn’t felt so completely since his mother died so instead he kisses the blond again and again and again and feels like he is whole again.

He is home.

Just close your eyes, the sun is going down.
You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now.
Come morning light, you and I’ll be
Safe and sound.

64
3 years ago
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